Funny Jokes


A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much because they never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back to his office.

"Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly!"

The doctor says, "Good, now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.

The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She held up the box and said, "I bet it's some flowers!"

"That's right!" shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held up the box and said, "I bet it's some chocolates!"

"That's right!" shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held up the box and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy answered.

The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy answered.

"What is it?" she said.

"A puppy!"

A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top.

"Och, I look like a pig!"

The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"

Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?"

Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me."

Little Johnny tells his friend, "My grandpa died yesterday."

Friend asks, "Oh, how did that happen?"

Johnny, "He hit his thumb with a hammer."

Friend, "But you can't die of that!"

Johnny, "I know but he wouldn't stop screaming and cursing so we had to shoot him."

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Jokes by Category


Short Jokes


Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?"

Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me."

What is the difference between a Mexican and a book?

A book has papers.

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Long Jokes


A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much because they never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back to his office.

"Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly!"

The doctor says, "Good, now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

Continue reading: Long Jokes

Adult Jokes


A man calls his family doctor: "Doctor, for the last week my wife has thought that she was a rabbit."

Doctor: "Ok, bring her in and I'll try to help."

Man: "Fine, but whatever you do, don't cure her."

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100 Funniest Jokes


What do psychologists say to each other when they meet?

"You're fine, how am I?"

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much because they never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back to his office.

"Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly!"

The doctor says, "Good, now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

Boyfriend: "Why didn't you give me anything for my birthday?"

Girlfriend: "You told me to surprise you."

Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?

Because DEC 25 = OCT 31.

Customer: "That crust on the apple pie was too tough."

Waiter: "That wasn't the crust, that was the pie plate."

Continue reading: 100 Funniest Jokes